Jeremy's Blog

I’ve come back and re-hashed this entry over and over again several times now. I’m just re-writing it from scratch. This entry pretty much details my spiritual growth from when I claimed Atheism to my change to Agnosticism and finally my arriving where I am now, in Christianity. Religious subject matter contained within, so if you can’t handle that, please don’t bother. Inflammatory comments will be promptly removed.

Quite a few years ago, I stopped believing in God. I had a pretty good life. Not really all that much bad stuff has ever happened to me. I didn’t claim Atheism due to “God never doing anything for me” like some people I know did / do. I hid this detail about myself from all but a very small handful of people. But, my parents found out about it one day and I admitted it to them … That yes, I was Atheist. When questioned about my reasons for being Atheist, I would often provide logic-based responses that made the existence of God seem impossible. To me, anyway. I was an Atheist while I was a Boy Scout for some time, and I always in the back of my mind felt guilty for it. Like I failed my troop for not believing like they did. A Scout is Reverent. And I wasn’t. I silently thought of this as a violation of the Scout Law, and it ate at me for quite some time. Almost like I thought I didn’t deserve to be a Scout. This, coupled with constant pressure from various members of my family, made me unwillingly change my beliefs. I became Agnostic.

The teachings that I’ve acquired over the years, especially from the Boy Scouts, have all stuck very firmly with me. I believe very strongly in the Scout Law and base the fundamentals that I live my life by off of it, for the most part. I was Agnostic up until early 2006. I didn’t necessarily dislike or despise religion, like some hard-core Agnostic people that I know, I just didn’t care. None of this had any effect on my personal beliefs, though. These have always been generally the same. During my time in Agnosticism, Jason had a theological debate with my Uncle.

This debate had a very profound effect on me, in that I made the decision that no person should ever sacrifice their beliefs for someone else. No matter what the circumstances are. On that night, I vowed that I would never do so again.

In late 2005 / early 2006, things started falling into place that felt like they couldn’t have been just coincidences. My programming career and good name was marred by the “ODS Incident” as it has come to be known. And almost immediately after I was completely drained by everything that happened with Omega Vortex, a response to the resume that I had sent to Completely Unique before I had ever started OV came in. This response came in literally MONTHS after I submitted the resume. Just a coincidence? I don’t think so … There’s something about John Fisher, but I knew from the first time I saw him at the bus station in Denver that this man was special, somehow. He came in out of nowhere and saved me from a bad situation, and I can almost guarantee if I asked him why he thinks he happened upon me when he did, he would claim it to be the Will of God, and at this point I firmly believe that to be the case. John came into my life and has been my Guardian Angel in a lot of respects, especially since I’ve come out to Colorado. But, everything happens for a reason, and I was put in the presence of such an influential man for a very important reason. And this was emphasized with Shawn’s arrival.

As I was growing up, Religion was sort of force-fed to me. We didn’t really have much of a choice, when I was a kid. You either believed or you were damned, and that’s all there was to it. I hated that. I wanted my free will. My Atheism could actually be seen as a rebellion against the fact that religion was forced on me when I was younger, because things never really “felt right” during the time I claimed I was Atheist.

John, Shawn, some of my relatives, Seth Kinast and Ruzena have all played very important roles in my becoming a Christian, over the years. From these people I have learned what worship is supposed to be like, as opposed to the mechanical “going through the motions” worship that I often witnessed when I was younger. From these people, I have learned what it truly means to have faith and be in touch with God, and understand the gifts and blessings that have been bestowed on me through His grace. 2006 was a year of truth, for me. So many things happened that I couldn’t rightfully refer to as coincidences. There’s just no way some of these things happened out of “coincidence” …

I have learned what it really means to be a Christian and have the love of God in you. And to all of you “radicals” out there who keep oppressing any and everyone who doesn’t believe what you believe and continue to commit acts of aggression “in the name of your God”, you are not Christian, in my book. If you want to keep claiming Christianity while doing these things, that’s your business, but you’re not worshipping my God. My God teaches me to love my fellow man, not push my beliefs on him and attack him if he doesn’t accept them. You are the reason people like me become Atheists.

And I finally feel as though I’ve found my place. I’m at home and more comfortable with my beliefs than I’ve ever been before, and I’m happier now, because of it. This is what my faith does for me, and you have no right to impose on that, just like I have no right to impose on yours, whatever it may be.

So, you can continue to say what you want. But, I love God and have accepted him into my life and will continue to follow his teachings. You won’t change my mind.