Jeremy's Blog

… That’s completely relative. Different people see different sides of me. Some think I’m childish (i.e. don’t know me at all). Others (most) think I’ve grown up way too fast.

I think it’s really great when people are seriously honest about things. I don’t like to lie. I hate lying. I don’t even like this whole “lying by omission” bullcrap where you just don’t tell someone what’s going on. Case in point, today we were cleaning up the old place and became really strapped for time due to really messed up scheduling. So, Jason and I decided we would have a cleaning service take care of the rest of the house, seeing as it was getting really close to the time I was due in at the office for a meeting. We originally weren’t going to tell John, but I typically don’t like to keep anything from him, so I just told him when I got to the office.

… But, I digress.

The point I’m really trying to make is that honesty can be painful, at times. And it’s a balancing act that I’m struggling to pull off, which is why when I see what is really thought about what I’m doing, it really pisses me off.

In any case, I’m going to take this time to pat myself on the back for actually putting forth the effort to salvage what’s left of my friendship with Jason. We have a history. A long one, by my standards. We’ve seen each other do some really stupid stuff, and to let something like this ruin our friendship after all we’ve been through would just be stupid. I doubt we’ll be near as close as we were before, mainly because there’s this wall there, now… But, that’s not going to stop me from at least associating with him at a level that’s not necessarily professional.

It’s obvious who’s having to be the adult in this situation. Had I not stepped up and taken on the burden of actually trying to spend time with the two of them (if nothing else than to prove to myself that I’m really better now), we would’ve taken care of that place and gone our separate ways, and that would’ve been the end of it. For the record, tolerating and actually being friends/friendly are two completely different dimensions. I would’ve been able to tolerate the two of them, a couple of days after whatever it was inside me that snapped. It’s taken a lot more self-growth and serious thought and effort to get to the point where I am now.

I invited them over for dinner and cards and such. Unfortunately, it’ll probably have to fall on a Monday, due to my and Jason’s work schedules. That’s the only day where he doesn’t have to work nights and I don’t have to be in the office really late. [Sidenote to Jennifer: It's only as awkward as you make it. Surprisingly, I was perfectly comfortable over at you guys' place, today.] Hopefully, that goes well. Such a process should be taken in baby steps, probably. Don’t have time for that. It’s all or nothing, for me. I’ve opened the door to my home with the intention of still being friends and keeping in touch. It’s up to you, whether you walk in or not.

During the spat of anger, I “filled” the spots for the two Blind Guardian tickets that were supposed to go to Jason and Jennifer. I was so pissed off that I was originally going to just snatch the tickets and tell them to screw off, but again, the whole “doing the mature thing” kicked in. So, I talked to Jason about it. Seeing as I currently don’t have a way to purchase more tickets (and he does), I told him I’d buy their tickets off of him. I don’t want to deprive them of the chance of going to the concert, hence the reason I was willing to give money for their tickets, so I wouldn’t have to disappoint the people that I told could go. [Sidenote to Jennifer: That is why it's more convenient this way. Please make sure you have the whole story and not just a partial or fabricated version before you go on a tirade, next time. I'd also appreciate it if you'd stop making things out as if I was specifically trying to screw you over, when that's obviously not the case. Thanks.]

Anyway … It’s really late … Meeting lasted a lot longer than I expected, and I have to be up in the morning to go back to the other place one last time to pickup a few things and take care of the last minute stuff. Goodnight.