Jeremy's Blog

Morpheus: “What is ‘real’? How do you define ‘real’?” ~ The Matrix

It’s a sad day when a person can’t really be who he or she is. I have to suffer this problem, everyday. Time constraints, stress, pressure, schedules. It’s the life of a programmer. But, every person has a face for work and a face for living. I’ve seen enough of it to know. Some are lucky enough to be able to use the same in both situations. Others, like myself, are not. Depending on the situation, you sometimes have to be a completely different person. Trust me, there’s nothing bad about this, it’s just another inconvenience in life that you have to become accustomed to… Otherwise, you will let one part take over both scenarios.

“A man with friends is no failure.”

I have no idea who originally said that, or if that’s the way it’s put. It’s just what comes to mind. It’s also one of the truer statements I’ve heard in a long time. As painful as they are, I personally love situations like the most recent one. It forces your “fake” friends … The ones who really don’t give a shit about you, and are really out for their own gain … To rear their ugly heads. It also forces your “real” friends … The ones who are honestly and truly there for you, no matter what … To really shine. And I had a handful of people who really shined over the past couple of days, and I really cannot thank any of them enough. I know what their reaction is, too… “No thanks necessary.” It’s what friends are for, and I feel comfort in knowing that they’ll be there if something like this happens again. Just like I hope they feel comfort in knowing that I’ll be there, in the case it does to them.

Be yourself. I know that’s cliched and highly overused, but it’s true. Whether or not I or anyone else wants to accept it, who I am when I’m working is apart of who I am as a person. If that’s not acceptable to you, I’ve got two words for you. Screw you. I will adjust my lifestyle for no man, woman, or anyone. “That’s a bad attitude to have, Jeremy.” That’s bullshit. I’m not out to impress you, whoever might be reading this, or anyone else. I’m here to be who I am, take it or leave it. The sheer fact that I have as many “real” friends as I do, must mean that I’m doing something right. I admit, I have my problems… We all do. But, I feel proud that I’m “cleaner” than over 75% of the guys my age (rough estimate, probably more ). The point I’m trying to make is if you know how someone wants something to be, don’t violate who you are to try and give it to them. Unless, of course, you want that change yourself. If you want things to be that way, by all means, that should be even more motivation to get you from point A to point B. Don’t sell yourself short, and don’t live your life attempting to be someone else.

If you have to fake it, to make someone happy, you’re walking down the wrong path. Your feelings may be real, but your actions aren’t, and I’d rather have someone who genuinely loves and cares for me who’s being all of who they are than someone who’s trying to make me happy by being someone they’re not.

Of course, this is all entirely relative. People don’t change easily, and when they do, they have an alarming tendency to revert back to their old ways. A hawk may try to swim with the dolphins… and even if he succeeds, even if he enjoys it, something will eventually take him back to the skies. In order to make a successful transition, you have to actively know that you want it. If you don’t, you won’t put forth any effort, and you can’t succeed if you don’t even try.

Once a hawk, always a hawk.